I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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