I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize