how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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