When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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