Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize