I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
