This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
