WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
