I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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