Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
