i think my mom watched the whole time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
