sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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