girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
