JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize