what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
