Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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