I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize