Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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