check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
