Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
