im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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