i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
