I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
