I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
