I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
