So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
