I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
