i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
not ubering you a puppy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
