Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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