as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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