I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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