i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
