5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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