Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
