You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Vodka?
Forever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
