Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
