sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
