Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
