you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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