Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
