watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
