I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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