keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
