Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
