i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
