swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
