dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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