so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
