oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
