I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize