Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
