A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
