My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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