Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
two words...techno handjob
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
