He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
