Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
