wat bout pragnant strippers??
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
