put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
