Moan for me like Helen Keller
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
