when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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