I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize