Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
