All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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